?

Log in

dixidarlinxo

Recent Entries

You are viewing the most recent 10 entries

September 25th, 2006

06:06 pm: well i went home this weekend i was hoping tos ee brandon and justin before they left but things got sooo crazy at home with my father and shit like that i dind't have time except on saturday ngiht but i knew they were probably all realy at MEPS or had to get up really early to get to miami so i didn't want them to come out at like 10-11 at ngiht i can't wait for them to graduate me and barry are planning to go to there graduation! along with stefani and maybe jake will come, that would be nice a family affair! :-) i got to see marie :-) smiles and pryia though and im hoping to come home next weekend and go to the beach and relax next weekend jsut sooo much stress who know maybe i'll get to see barry agian before he leaves!! :-) that would be wonderful besides the 7 hr drive but yea..... other then that it would be wonderful! see stefani and kris and angie ahhh soooo nice!!!!

September 20th, 2006

02:54 pm: ok yea so life sucks here i was planing on geting a mini fridge with my roommate and shes like well i dont know now and bla blah blah i dont want to spend the money where before she was like yea lets do this and was practicaly pushing me out the door to get one and now i say lets go get one after class and shes like i dont know. so things around here are geting stressful

September 18th, 2006

10:21 pm: well this weekend was wonderful i as apprently in orlando with kraver and ashlee but yea not really, mom would of freaked if she knew i went to South Carolina to see stefani jake barry kris and angie. it was totaly awsome besides the 7hr drive both ways ehhhh but friday i got a really bad apper back that i should of done flipping wonderful on! but thats besides thepoint and i was planing to leave anyways since last weekend when i was home, because i got barrys TV and i was taking it up to him, i left and was on the road by 130 and didn;t get to stefanis until almost 9 by the time i got turned around and lsot her house is soo cute and i adore her mom, what an approvement! lol but i was just sooo happy to see her! we left adn went over to krises took her SUV since she knows the roads better then i and barry got there shortly after 11 i want to say kris was already there with angie and so was two of his buddies form school, but i dont remember there names one of them liked stefani he was skinny and tall, just up her ally, i think stefani kinda had a school girl crush on him :-) hehe he was deffinitly her type and the other one has googly eyes!hehe thats all i remember from him. we went to bed really late that night i think we went to bed at aboiut 300 and me and barry went to bed 2 hrs later!!!! i feel spoiled that i got to see him 2 times this month, i told him we better not make this a habbit one i can;t afford it and two i think it would make it harder for me to detach myself from him when he leaves to go underway on october but maybe if everything works out i will get to see him once more before he leaves and once while he is underway in key west! and then for xmas or new years, i would love to have a white new years! it would be sooo beautiful hehe but then that will be one of the last days that i get to see him before he goes to cali for 4 months its going to be the longest strech of months that we have been appart, its going to get really difficult for us, i pray that we are strong enough to make it through, we have been though worse but tis going to be difficult to be able to still devote some of the day to each other expecialy since we will be both full time students and while he is in EMT school which is hte hardest A school, will be the most demanding on us as a couple and as students mentaly and physicaly but i sitll have lots and lots of faith and strength and hope and love! lots of love. we went outto dinner one ngiht we went to stickey fingers it was really yummy barry loved it! and so did jake i was soo happy that they still had smoking sections in resturants thats amazing to find now adays expecialy in florida there tring to bann it in bars! ummmm yea right hell no! went to paris island on sunday it was a trip geting to stefanis! too much fun! no really ti was got lsot ended up in hte ghetto ehhh scary place didn; like it at all, but still a blast! paris island was fun the boys are still talking about the drill instructors and the diffrence they saw while they were there that they acutaly have a heart! jake is tring to convince baryr to join the maries ummm no i love my boys dont get me wrong but they offre nothing on the outside world after you leave, until with abrry he can acutaly do something when he laves. jake is one of the few that have been fortunit enough to possibably be able to find something on the outside due to the nature of what he does. barry would go voer to iraq and i dont want him to go over unless he really has to! baryr can donate, the nice word for it, donate is life to the coast gurad and gop to school take them for all of there money send him to school come out as a DR. collecting officer pay and enlisted pay, beocause he wants to go waren officer, and do what ever he wants become a marine bio, or still get into the health feild! doors of opertunity, you dont have that with the marines. if he really desided he wanted to do this and join the marines i can not stop him, he is a grown man and i have tried ot stear him in what i think is the better service! it is after all his life and what he wants to do for the rest of his life! but i do not think i ahve too much to worry about, i hope! baryr si supose to loook in to it to see if and when there is military ball~ god darnit they better have one all the other serivices have one and i know they ahve a ball room floor on the boat for parties and things of that nature so lets cross out fingers well its off to bed! heather is get.ing ready to settle in and im going to try and get some sleep!

Current Mood: exhaustedexhausted

August 29th, 2006

10:43 pm: well im getign excited and a bit nurvious friday im soo happy becaouse im leav ing to go see barry for your anniversary its been 2 years on saturday! :-) i know it seems like it was yesterday that i meet him but that was when everything was normal and put togeather that my life was whole, not to say barry dons't complete me he does very much sooo but when i meet barry for the first time discussed all the firsts it was with amndie and without her being here i dont feel complete i feel quite alone i miss her soo much i feel like im cheating life that she should be here too that i dont deserve this but i am digressing as usual i jsut wish i was stil able to tell her whats going on without having to tla to a stone or to my celing i talked to brian the other day i was happy to hear fomr him at first since i had gotten a new phone i was not able to ahve his number but we started talking about things and things that are going on in his life tings that have been said thats is upseting and it rocked my cradle and i started writing a paper for english on it and that rockedn it and then it all came out at once talking to casey i sitll dont know i talk to her about these things she jsut tells me im crazy and that i need to see someone about my issues but i guess becaouse she makes me laugh and is able to bring out my best when i am at my worst i have been missing alot of everyone from abck home, expecialy brandon and justin, but they seem to be unreachable even with there new job carear what ever u want to call it i have been tring to reach out to themw tihout any luck i odnt miss marie pryia and jason all taht much i talked to them enough every day usualy a few tiems a day so i really dont miss much on there lifes. im hopignw tih me leaving town for a little bit that i will be able to calm down and relax for 4 days! that will be nice! just me and bary for 4 days thats all i ever want he keeps on talking about geitng me something and i keep telling him that fling me up and everything is more then enough maybe dinner but thats all i want, becaouse i have the most important things on our anniversary HIM! and thats all i evr want, i dont know that too amny people underdtand this concept except for the girlfriends wifes of soliders that they can give u anything in the world but when u havn't seen them in months and know u wont be seeming them agian until maybe december all you really want is to be with them, that is the most important things something to charish something to rememeber not the pretty gift you got, unless its like a pretty diamond ring! thats always nice u know the one that goes on ur left hand! :-) thats always memorable but other then thatn the ability to be ablet o have each other expecialy when u live tousands of miles apart it means alot! even if its jsut for 4 days! well besides that im ahving a little bit of problems wiht my room mate! shes quite umm not like me at all! she calls my flag the one i love my rebal flag a comunist flag she is ignorant in this matter, and does not comprehend on tis meaning on my personal life, she dosn't like nascar i can understand that until u grow up on it or uinderstand the sport yes it is a sport then it seems stupid but so does tennis to many people to chase a little yellow tennisball, so i guess i jsut proved somethong to myself i like stupid sports yippy at least it adds character she dosn;t like the war amkes anti war jokes i really dont like it expecaly with what barry does and some of my family and almost all of ym guy friends! so we have some touchy subject oooh yea not to mention becaouse i brought alot of shit she thinks she dosn't eed to get anything for the room, except her personal items and a TV yea umm no thats another biggy! im tring out for the tennis team tomorrow weather permiting! we will see how i do i dont know if im going to make it with me not playing for a long time but at least i can't say i didn;t try! i tink im rihgt inbetween devison 2 and 3 like that fine line! it really sucks to be stuck in the middle maybe when i go home i will go see linda or lisa what ever her name was she was really sweet but steve has the compation edge knows how to train good well very good tennis players but he hasn't relised that not everyone wants to mke it big that he is smothering the love for the game and tring to build money out of it and its love that comes first in tennis and then the drive to acel but u can't excel if u are being smothered so int hat case alot of people have left steves even some of the better players becaouse of the way he trears his players but we will see im soo happy today i transfered out of dr roses class yippy he is the most mundane horrible teacher that i have ever had and i have had some really bad one i do not understnad his teaching methods they are more confusing then actualy constructive when u explain one problem five diffrent way and then say those ways are the hard way and i wouldn't aproch that problem like that and then show the easy way u are sooo lsot at the end so even if u understood it before he even started on the problem u are now lsot dased and confused. im also happy that tomorrow i ahve no classe yipy even though classes wont be canceled until after 1230 my first calss tomorrow is 1220 so i dont have to go yippyp! so i get to sleep in im soo happy and i get to miss math class also! woohoooo thats always good for me i hate math expecaly if its bad teachers teaching it! then it really sucks!

May 24th, 2006

12:52 am: ooooooooh my gos im going to puke ok i was jsut onher page yes i admit it i was bashing the bitch ok i thought yea shes not that goodlooking and then i saw this pics right and i thought it was of chris her husband god save him! b ut no its her she shaved her head but left enough to do a mohock she looks lke a fucking MAN! im not fucking shititng she looks like a fucking man! oooh yea and she told barry some sad sappy stoie about how she couldn't get pregant anymore b/c of what happened a little bit ago but come to find out shes been pregnant since atleast the begingin of march! she has a comment from march/17 saying about how shes pregnant and shit ooooh fuck that bitch these fucking gloves are about to fucking come off i ahte this fucking shit this jsut proves that shes trying to fuck with his head u know i reall really could get her in trouble i wonder what her new lastname is? i wonder if i can have kris look up his e-mail and i can play my little fucking game! me beign a bitch to her over the net is nothing but if i acn affect her real life lets go lets fuckign play oooooh u want to sooooooo bad but this would really relal fuck up all of barrys questions fucking damn it errrrrrrrr

May 15th, 2006

10:38 pm: god i miss her sooo much i want my angel home i want her with me! i feel soo alone right now. dont get me wrong i have wonderful friends here with me and i would want them to leave but i juist want the two people i love the most be home safe.... i guess what u want u can never really truly have! i want to ahve mandie call me in the moening to make sure im up and on my way to pratice and asking me if i will bring her gum and soemthing to drink durring pratice ki awnt her to bugg me about nto tripping on the stage i want to see her awlk the stage all glowing and happy i want to be able to look in pracillas eyes and see the light back in them and the happyness i want to be able to hear her voice hollering at me when i cross the stage and me being able to look back at her and shake my head showing her how much she truly imbarresed me. i want to be able to see barry behind her sitting next to my family giving me thumbs up and bllowing me kisses! i want to be able to ahve her jump on my back durring photos after graduation and tickel me in my side. i want to be able to take pictures with us togeather i want to be ablet o tell people that tomorrow is going to be the best day of mjy high school life but i can't! i want for us to be able to bugg both of our parents to ditch grad night and go party out in the woods with barry adn bryan and all the rest of the boys! but tomrrow instad i will wakl the stage alone to only loko out into the eyes of prcailla and see how unhappy she is to take pictures with friends and pretend to be happy again like everyday of my life i walk outside and i put on my mask and tell the world i am fine and i am happy life couldn't be better be instead i hurt inside i hurt sooo bad...............

Current Mood: depresseddepressed
Current Music: Noboday Knows But me

April 17th, 2006

10:52 pm: well my kitty died... i jsut got done burring her in the back yard this really really sucks! how can something like that jsut crawl ur way into your heart in less then 2 weeks i should of taken her iwth me to get BBQ she would still be here but i guess u coudnt hide the invadable forever cozmo is a hunting dog! can't blame her shes only doing what she knows how to do maybe when me and barry get a place in a year when he moves back to FL after school i get another kitty

09:57 pm: y does everything i love and get close to either gets hurt or dies i just took my new kitty to the vets! cozmo got ahold of her today and it dosn't look good the vet told us there is a very good and real chance that she wont make it tonight i'[ve only have had her for a week now but i am soo attached to her, and it is a girl! that i dont wnat her to go too. y do i continue to try to love new things only for them to get ripped away from me i dont want her to die i dont i can't think about this.........

April 12th, 2006

10:04 pm: god i miss her so much today i dont know y i always miss her alot! but today has been really difficult i feel like having a mental melt down but tis not happinign i can;t cry right now i guess thats what s making this soo hard crying make me feel more at ease but i cna't releac e the anger and the frustrationg and the hate and all the guilt.... its just not comming out at the moment and i dont know y. i gues sit will come out when its ready to... but im ready for it to come out NOW! this is causing bad thoughts again... and i dont like it AHHHHH! i gota get my mind off of it!

April 9th, 2006

08:20 pm: well i kinda took better then what i did today i guess i was still hoping that i would go to bed and wake up and we would be back at jr year and that all of this wold go away i guess not b/c i'm still here knowing that its snr year. i went over to her grandmas house i havt seen ehr in sometime so shes hanging in there like the rest of us i got a kitty while i was over there it can't be more then a few weeks old it opened its eyes hile i was in publix geting it formula and such so i've been bottle feeding her i took her over to stefanis to show her and thats when i had me mental melt down driving over there it wasn't too good one of the worst ones i've had while driving! i didn't sleep much the night before even with stefani with me, we were house sitting for her boss i didn't sleep more then an hr or so stefani and i went out to see her and lefts tons of flowerrs and a ballon hehe it was funny but i didn;t leave any roses i figured i made her mad enough by bringing her all those flowers dont need to piss her off by bringing roses hatted roses! b/c they wre thorny! today i think i found out who soloman is and where he works! went to get a soda from the snacks int he brek room and there a voucher for a soloman barret (sp) he works right below me in men mens i think! thjat ruined my whole day fits his discripition form what the mang was telling me ski9nny young black guy! who did ahve a bad accident a yr ago! i convinced everyone around me not to reahc out and touch him but i have never wantd to reach out and touch him i guess i figured i would never see him but i guess i do now! ok feeking out again gota go

Powered by LiveJournal.com